Absolutely, positively beyond...

My daughter is nearing her seventh birthday. Huge!!! However, out of all the years of parenting her, I am at my peak of frustrationg. I never had those sleepless nights or frustration that I have now. Maybe I am expecting too much from her but jeez-Louise, help me help me help whatever deities are out there! She is at the stage of not wanting to listen, she is very vocal and very intuitive, and she is not potty trained. I sat down last night and cried for two hours. I am about ready to start crying again. I feel like maybe this is ME. My inability to parent. Maybe I am not meant to be a mother? Why in the world is my child who is very smart but is nearly 7 still not potty trained? I have been trying for nearly 5 years to get her potty trained! What am I doing wrong? I am wondering if there is something deeper going on with her. Two days in a row she has gone number two and it's all over the place. She either can't feel this or she doesn't care. She is on a potty schedule, she gets praised, rewarded and all the things we are told to do but not working! She RARELY voids on the potty! I know that potty training is one of the hardest things to do but nearly FIVE years and we are doing no better now than it was five years ago.

Blah. I just need to vent. Maybe I need a glass of Chocovine after Emma's asleep tonight. Watch a movie. Bawl. Whatever. Poo.

Oh and off to yell at the Children's Rehab Services Referrals person for scheduling my daughter's CT with SEDATION WITHOUT consulting me. This pisses me off. The nurse knows I don't want her sedated and if I can't make head way with referrals, then I will call the nurse. The nurse who works in the neurosurgeon and physical rehab department is wonderful and will help me. ALSO, I left several messages with radiology and with referrals without a return call as I have been trying to get this scheduled because I need to be able to request time off with enough notice to my supervisor. I work in Radiology myself. I know protocols and so on but honestly, if you are in Phoenix and need medical care for your child, don't use St. Joseph's Hospital. They really really really suck. The last time she had CT imaging there, the techs were just asses and pretty much refused to really TRY taking her images. Then said "Whoops! Already radiated her three times, send her to the ER and let them sedate her!" So every time it turns in to a flipping debacle. EVERY FLIPPING TIME. The issue is that that hospital is not dedicated to children so the techs aren't dedicated to any one department. The last time we had a CT for her, she was willing and ready but they pulled the bed through the gantry while she was answering me when I was explaining that she has to hold still. Three times they did that. However, I guess this boils down to an insurance issue as to why we have to go to that piece of shit hospital. I like the doctors we see at the CRS clinic but St. Joe's flat out SUCKS. Skip the bullshit and take your child to Phoenix Children's Hospital. They rock. Except when we were there the last time for her surgery, I thought General Pediatrics looked ghetto and dirty. Big difference in 5 years time. Medical care was great. Had a nurse though on the General Peds floor that only wanted to talking about becoming a Nurse Practitioner while Emma was vomiting from pain from her vein blowing out. Oh and the secretaries were a little pissy. But much better than St. Joe's. Maybe I am just in a bad mood and just want to complain. Boooo!

It's been a bad week.

My stomach is killing me every day. My hips hurt. My back hurts. I am fatigued. I am depressed. I am irritable. My blood work is coming up normal. No h. pylori. No signs of infection. My imaging studies are all normal. Boo. My doctor. No. Change that. My doctor sucks. The PA that works with my doctor thinks I need to go gluten free. I have been working on limiting the gluten in our diet for Emma and already don't use cow's milk, rather we drink Almond, Rice or Coconut milk (not the kind you cook with!). So, I am ridding my cabinets of all items that contain gluten. I need to get wheat/gluten free soy sauce. I can't imagine life without soy sauce. Good thing I love rice and all kinds of Asian food (I make most of ours! big pat on my own back!) and not a huge Italian food fan, huh?

Ok. I am done bitching.